The Cylons are a secret cult of cybernetic beings who live among us, mostly in Hollywood. Their motives are unclear, but they seek to either kill us, enslave us, or have sex with us. We really hope that it's the latter.

Cylons come in three types:

  • Robots are Cylons who look like robots. Some are vaguely humanoid, while others are cylindrical.
  • Transformers are Robots in Disguise. They take the appearance of vehicular transportation.
  • Life Model Decoys are Cylons who appear and act human. Some are sleeper agents, while others are actively plotting to kill us. Or enslave us. Or have sex with us. We really hope that it's the latter, as some of the female LMDs are pretty hot.

Known Cylon ModelsEdit



Life Model DecoysEdit

Resistance Against the Cylon ThreatEdit

The Cylons are presently opposed by a secret strike force within the Church of Scientology, headed up by Dakota Fanning. A recent battle in March 2006 between the two groups left a third of Burbank in flames, including the studios of The Tonight Show.

Also, former Cylon dupe David Hasselhoff uses his current position as director of S.H.I.E.L.D. to covertly redirect resources into a Black Ops division to oppose the Cylon agenda. The show America's Got Talent is a front used by Hasselhoff to identify potential agents possessing unique abilities that can be used against the Cylons.