Fox is the primary media organ of Rupert Murdoch's vast conspiracy to enslave the world, News Corporation.

Major DivisionsEdit


Fox's Violence division specializes in graphic footage indended to desensitize its audience while sating their latent appetite for blood. Programs from the Violence division usually emphasize spectacular car crashes, gigantic explosions, and shirtless, incoherent hillbillies with disturbingly pale beer guts and mercifully-blurred out faces.

The best known products of the Violence division include America's Most Wanted, Cops, When Animals Attack, When Animals Attack Cops, World's Wildest Police Chases, World's Wildest Police Chases Involving Cops and Animals, America's Funniest Orphan Mutilations, and 24 (original title: Tortureman!).


The Torment division specializes in subjecting its audience and its participants to degradation, humiliation, and Paula Abdul -- sometimes all at once. Primarily consisting of reality television programs that flay their contestants for public amusement with the skill and speed of a Japanese chef, the Torment division is also responsible for unleashing Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie upon an unsuspecting public, in what Biblical scholars now believe to be the heretofore unknown eighth seal of the Apocalypse. Popular offerings from the Torment division include American Idol, Joe Millionaire, and The Simple Life.

The Torment division also specifically allows once-beloved shows to linger far past their natural lives, gradually transforming into horrific, shambling zombies that roam the airwaves in an endless search for fresh viewers. The Simpsons and The X-Files are only two cases in point.


Perhaps the most nefarious department in the sinister Fox empire, Anguish specializes in nurturing brilliant, wonderful television shows. It shepherds these shows through the long and difficult process of development, keeping their quirky spirit intact. It then brings these shows to air just long enough to develop a small but devoted audience, then mercilessly cancels them. The resulting outcry of rage and despair from the show's viewers is then harvested by specially trained druids, and mystically transferred to Rupert Murdoch, further increasing his dark powers.

Strangely enough, though the Anguish division's workings are well-documented, audiences keep falling for them all the same. Victims of the Anguish department include Firefly, Futurama, and most recently, Arrested Development.

On weekends, Fox has monopolized coverage of American sports, including MLB, NASCAR, NFL, BCS, NSFW and NRBQ. A veritible old-folks'-home of announcers, who torture fans' ears with insipid observations, Fox's announcing team includes Tim McCarver, Terry Bradshaw, Darryl Waltrip and Vivian Vance.


The Sandwiches division makes delicious, delicious sandwiches out of the finest ingredients, to be served at various Fox meetings and events. It seems to have no discernably evil purpose; apparently, Rupert Murdoch just really likes good sandwiches. Can you blame him?

Notable ShowsEdit