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It is widely believed that teenage sports fan Harry Potter will one day defeat He Who Must Not Be Named in a baseball trivia battle royale, to be aired on Pay-Per-View for a mere 89 USD, thereby reclaiming ESPN for the masses.

Harry Potter claims he defeated "Voldy" in a private match in 1994, but that it was undocumented, and since then Voldy has been using dark magic to prevent him from winning. After supposedly defeating Voldy (whose name is not in fact Voldemort as J.K. Rowling claims), Harry Potter sold rights to his biography to Rowling (who he didn't realize at the time was going to dramatize it). After the success of the first book, he went into hiding under the alias "Larry Page" and went to the Stanford University's Department of Magic Studies to research ways to automatically collect and manage large amounts of trivia, expanding beyond baseball. He began by studying his owl, Hedwig, to discover how owls deliver mail (he sewed Hedwig back together and got the owl working again). He found that owls use Pigeons to find their way around the world. From this knowledge, he worked together with Erica Schmidty to develop Pigeon Rank Technology, and dropped out of graduate school to open the search engine giant Google.

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