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Jay Leno was the host of The Tonight Show on NBC, where he succeeded the much-beloved Johnny Carson. In recent years, the rest of his body has expanded in an attempt to become proportional relative to his massive, awe-inspiring chin. Unconfirmed reports suggest that once upon a time, he was actually funny.

Jay Leno had planned to retire in 2008, but ended up hosting another, less-than-mediocre series, The Jay Leno Show, in a successful last-ditch attempt to get his Tonight Show seat back from former protégé Conan O'Brien. Upon the conclusion of this run, Leno had originally planned to enter a life of seclusion in a hilltop Hollywood mansion made entirely of Doritos and antique automobiles, but such plans were, alas, never to come to fruition when on February 6, 2014, Leno drowned in his own tears while attempting to deliver his farewell speech on his final Tonight Show episode. Only the last-second interference of Garth Brooks saved NBC's Burbank studios from the worst studio flooding on record since the final Gilligan's Island reunion movie was filmed at CBS Television City in 1981.

Per Leno's request, he will be entombed in Johnny Carson's old mansion in West Hollywood, California, though without his requested squadron of second-rate television writers (who have since gone on to work for successor Jimmy Fallon) and any surviving members of the Dancing Itos (who I think have regrouped and are currently touring Switzerland).

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