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A talk show is a show in which people talk. Well, maybe not people, in the strictest sense. They usually involve a host, like Oprah Winfrey, Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera, or Jerry Springer, who is also a recognized minor deity. This "host" is the incubator for alien creatures, who often lay eggs in their stomachs, and subject their brains to devastating psychic energy. (Yes, we watch this on network TV.) This energy has the side effect of making the host automatically understand the pain their "guests" have gone through, whether that's involved infidelity, a child (or parent) addicted to drugs, or a passion for fantastically hideous forms of eggplant farming alongside midgets and aliens who have laid eggs in their stomachs. (Yeah, sometimes the midgets lay eggs in their stomachs too. Geraldo once had a woman on his show who had had fourteen species of aliens and two midgets lay eggs in her stomach at the same time. Whew, is it time for some lithium yet?)

Anyway, the "guests" usually end up hitting one another with fists and/or chairs, and being escorted out by the nice burly security men. They are then given a stack of money for coming on the show. (Yes, we watch this on network TV.) The "host" receives payment in the form of cash slipped into his/her back pocket when they pick out someone from the "audience" to ask a question of the "guests." Often this "question" takes the form of a cutting insult as to their physical prowess, dirty mouth, or method of cooking and eating eggplant. At the end of every show, the "audience" applauds the "host" for allowing them to leave the building relatively unharmed, except of course for the emotional scars. And possibly alien/midget babies.

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