Tom Cruise is absolutely, totally not gay. He married Nicole Kidman and impregnated Katie Holmes -- he couldn't do those things if he was gay!

Completely Unrelated InformationEdit

Tom Cruise is also a member in high standing of the Church of Scientology.

Sexual OrientationEdit

Whatever it is, gay isn't it!

Teenage YearsEdit

As a teenager, Tom Cruise attended a strict military academy where he was involved with an accident that left several students dead, including himself. He recovered from this and briefly joined a street gang that led an expedition into Tijuana in a quest to lose his virginity. He eventually lost his virginity to a Chicago hooker named Lana.

College YearsEdit

There are conflicting stories about his college years. Some contend that he attended college on a football scholarship while others believe he ran an escort service.


After college he returned to his military roots and became a naval aviator. He was rumored to be the "best of the best". After the military he took a job as a bartender and once again rose to the top of his profession. In his spare time he was a professional pool player and a professed hustler. Growing tired of the lifestyle, and needing to support his autistic brother, Cruise then returned to the military where he was left paralyzed by a war injury. He soon recovered and began a new career as a race car driver.

Eventually, the lure of the Navy returned and Cruise became a military lawyer. He continued his career in the public sector, working for a Memphis law firm. He eventually left the firm under a cloud of allegations.

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